There are some conversations, amongst friends, that will always come up. In the past few days I've come across this question while having conversations with proudly single, married and enamored friends: What do you look for in a relationship?
In my constant effort to alleviate attention, my answer will always be: who said I was looking? But the questions become more persistent and insistent, especially as I get older and the evidence builds that I am not in any kind of directional relationship. Even my mother has become more blatant in her inquiries. Her motive, grandchildren, is abundantly clear in how she coos over baby clothes and sighs about how she can't wait to have grandchildren (mind you, this is the woman who refused to ever have the birds and the bees talk with me or my brothers. When questioned, sex was equated to terminal diseases). But why does everyone else want to know? Isn't it different for everyone? Why do you need to know what I would like if you would like something different for yourself?
On the subject matter, I tend not to wish and want - It leads to expectations and expectations almost always lead to disappointments. All that I really do ask is for respect, kindness and acknowledgement. Yup, Im the perpetual "homegirl" who has love declared to her - behind closed doors. Evidence of any kind of romantic relationship on the other side is usually only admitted mistakenly, perhaps while drunk or in a severely lonely state, and sadly, usually after the mess has been made, cried through and abandoned.
The thing is, I don't really understand what kind of traits I am supposed to require before getting into a relationship. I used to think that 'Love' trumped all and you accepted what came with it as long as the feeling was mutual, but time and experience will always steer you in a more cautious direction. What I ask for is what I thought most would, and I don't consider myself materialistic so money has never been an issue that has contributed to my bitterness. But in all honesty, is there a level of lifestyle I should require before consideration. Need there be a veritable checklist of core requirements?
Does Love require prerequisites?
As a child, 'love' was painted for me as this portrait of constant flowing emotion between two people. I would think of busty goddesses swathed in flowing white robes and heroic muscle-bound men in leather (I had a Greek Myth phase as a child) falling in love at first sight. Universes colliding, stars shooting and all that jazz. Did these goddesses walk around with a laminated laundry list of requirements in their toga pockets?
- Must have a minimum of 100 gold pieces.
- Must have own chariot with at least one Unicorn of no more than 3 years of age.
- No Snake-haired Parent, sibling or associate of any kind.
- Must like dogs.
.......
I just can't see myself putting it down on paper that I'm looking for someone who makes X amount a year or who has acquired a certain amount of property by a certain age or who has read a list of 200 required books in their lifetime....or doesnt have 3 baby mommas.
...maybe that last one.
